The biggest reason for these two remakes(ed: Sholay, Don) not going to work is that unlike Sanjay L Bhansali, or Vidhu Chopra(or whoever directed Parineeta), these folks have chosen stuff that is mostly fresh in the minds of people – and that is the biggest challenge – which was why, until small B found his niche, he just couldnt do things Big B was doing/had done!

Well, Farhan Akhtar has almost proved me right – going from the previews at least. The storyline, though set outside of India, apparently, retains the same characters, and remains mostly true to the original. And Farhan Akthar has made the crucial mistake of retaining the old songs, but in their own 2006 versions.

The result? Each of the old songs sounds like a badly remixed version more suited to be produced by someone like Instant Karma, or some silly DJ, than a major bollywood movie! Main hoon don , Yeh mera dil are bad, bad copies of the original, in pure musical terms. The videos are quite rotten too.

Kareena Kappor is so much like a lifeless doll in “Yeh Mera Dil” that you wonder if the folks making it, and then retaining it, also made the campaing for the CBZ Xtreme!

In SRK’s imagery of the Don dunking champagne onto himself, its not the Don we see, but SRK of Darr, Baazigar, DDLJ. The character has been sacrificed for the star – and what a bad sacrifice it has been. Coming after SRK’s performances in recent movies like Kal Ho Na Ho, Main Hoon Na, Veer Zaara, Swades, this one is regrettable.

Then, that song.

Khaike Paan Banaraswallah is amongst the best songs to come from the 70s. Everything from the Banarasiya lingo, to the dance, the music is spot on. What we get in this movie is a remixed version that will make Kishore Kumar, Anjaan(lyricist) and KalyanJi (of Kalyanji-Anandji) turn in their graves. And the video has SRK playing an idiot wannabe.

It is such an insult to fans of the movie, and the song to be foisted upon with such utter rubbish. I just hope(against hope) it puts an end to crappy remakes of cult classics.

So in comes Hero Honda Motors with a new product that it advertises as the CBZ Xtreme. Taglines like “Blink, and you will miss it!“, or “Once you see it, impossible to forget!” hyped the product up, like never before. If you had followed the Indian biking scenario, and saw this kind of advertising, you would be thinking the CBZ Xtreme to be at least a quarter-litre bike delivering 25+ bhp (One wouldnt expect litre class bikes from HH, after Honda has entered India on its own).

Ah! But that is the twist in the story. The CBZ Xtreme is a bike in the 150cc class, which is.. the same class as the original CBZ was! Shaking your head in disbelief? Dont, not yet! There’s more to it.

First, the power – reportedly a increase to….14bhp(from 12.62)! Didnt you jump with joy? No? Not even for that extreme hike in power? Well, never you mind, I have more info for you to jump with joy on.

The snaps, courtesy Xbhp. All of them showing how xtreme the product is, indeed.

Tank from the Ambition, side panels, wheels from the TVS Apache, Tail lights from the Libero probably, and a grosteque fairing + headlamp. Add in garish stickering and the dials, and you get – an Xtreme-ly bad looking bike.

No wonder they call it the Xtreme. It disappoints Xtreme-ly!

Update: Hero Honda has specs up at the CBZXtreme site. 150cc 14 bhp 143 kilos and claimed 0-60kmph time of 5 seconds. When it arrived, the original CBZ was a 158cc, 12.6 bhp, ~130 kilo machine. With the same 0-60 claimed time. Thats what Hero Honda call progress!